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Post by Sara Tancredi on Apr 4, 2010 10:26:23 GMT -5
Sara felt like a new person. She had just returned from a inspirational and life changing experience . . . this time, it was in the best way possible. After eighteen months of rehabilitation for her former addiction, she had decided to get a new perspective on things and that required leaving the country for some time. But not as a vacation. She had goals, accomplishments that she wanted to achieve and though she knew that one person could not change the world . . . she wanted to do what she could to help people. This nature extended from being just a doctor, for she had spend the last few weeks in India with Doctors Without Borders. It was a rewarding experience and now . . . now, Sara felt like she was ready to get back to work.
She did not want to work back in a hospital. She had been thinking about counseling, or working somewhere that perhaps would not be the first place someone would want to apply to, and she already had a position in mind. Bradly had suggested a job in his workplace, which was Fox River. Not the ideal, but that was the main thing that appealed to her. She had been in contact with him, and Shelly who had thought it was an alright idea. She had been suggesting to Sara that working in such an intense environment may not be the best considering she was still in a fragile state but Sara wanted to, and if everything went smoothly, she would be fairly soon.
By the request of Shelly as well, Sara agree to meet with a counselor that Doctors Without Borders provided to make sure that their mental state was secure after returning to the United States after their work. Sara was in Vermont, and entering the building, asking someone for directions to who she should talk to.
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Post by Doctor J. Grayson on Apr 4, 2010 11:58:06 GMT -5
Juli?nna liked challenges, and this one (while not a major one) would be one of the first times her judgment would be put to the test. If she judged wrong, then her career could be over before it started. In her field, you could not make to many mistakes. Because of this she was dressed in some of her most business like clothing; a black pants suit with a pastel pink dress shirt under it. Her hair was neatly pulled back in a tight twist leaving just the few shorter strands free to fall and hang around her face. Her shoes were healed, giving her a few extra inches, and stylish.
She passed by some of the people in the lobby, most of them looking fresh off the plane from over seas, and flashed her badge to the desk so they could buzz her into the back area that was used for employees. Juli?nna took a mental note of the people see passed, including the tall overly think man who looked very un steady, the chubby red head girl who looked like she was annoyed to be there and the darker haired woman who was speaking with some employee.
Today she was there to make sure they were ok, and able to handle returning to their normal lives after witnessing some more disturbing things over seas. Today was seen as practice by the FBI, but to the others in the field she was entering into it would be the first time they would judge her based on actual work and not classroom or supervised situational.
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Post by Sara Tancredi on Apr 4, 2010 12:08:54 GMT -5
Sara explained her reason for being here to someone sitting at the desk, and they gave her a name and a general direction. After thanking them, Sara followed the instructions she was just given. The room she was told to go to had an open door. She looked inside, seeing no one there, and checking the number once more. She just walked right in and already took a seat. She was not sure why she was feeling nervous. She never did like these sort of things. She did not enjoy talking about her feelings and emotions, and having people ask her personal questions. in A.A it was different, now, Sara had no excuse anymore, and she had far too many things to keep hidden from a trained professional who was going to question her mental state.
As she sat there, she hand her hands folded in her lap and began nervously playing with her sleeves. A small quirk of hers, but it was better than finding other ways to deal with any sort of discomfort. She tried to push away those thoughts, focusing on the present and the future instead of the past and her mistakes. She never wanted to go back there. She wanted a fresh start and if that meant working in a maximum security prison, then so be it. She did not care if people were opposed to this idea, especially her father. In fact, had she not known better she would have done it just to rebel against him. But this time, she was doing it less selfish purposes.
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Post by Doctor J. Grayson on Apr 4, 2010 17:57:13 GMT -5
Juli?nna walked down the hall a few moments later and looked for the room number that she would be working in. Once she found it she glanced in side, to see that the darker haired woman from the lobby was already in there. Juli?nna walked in and around the table to take the seat on the other side of the woman. "Good afternoon, I am Dr. Grayson, and I am the counselor they asked you speak with." Juli?nna's voice held a slight southern accent, but for the most part had a very educated ring to it. You could often tell by how a person spoke how intelligent they were or how they wanted you to see them.
Juli?nna held out her hand in a greeting before sitting. "I promise to try to main this as painless as possible." She joked, but meant it. It was easy to see they both weren't sure what to expect, and that fact put Juli?nna slightly more at ease then before. Seeing who she had was also a slight disappointment, one of the other two would have been harder to work with and given her a challenge, but Juli?nna knew she would have felt different had she gotten one of them. "How long have you been back in the US?"
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Post by Sara Tancredi on Apr 4, 2010 22:03:41 GMT -5
Sara stood up when Juli?nna came in, and smiled at the young woman. "Hello, I'm Doctor Tancredi, but Sara is fine." Sara shook the woman's hand and followed her lead by taking a seat once she did. "It's fine. I understand that it's just procedure." Sara had to admit that hearing her seem to understand Sara's lack of comfort in this whole situation was reassuring. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as she anticipated. She would give her the benefit of the doubt . . . Juli?nna seemed friendly enough.
"I just got back a few days ago. I'm still trying to organize myself, and cure the jet lag that I'm experiencing," Sara commented with a small smile. "A nine hour time difference can really drain you. But I can't complain. I'm very grateful for the experience."
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Post by Doctor J. Grayson on Apr 5, 2010 23:07:58 GMT -5
"Jet lag, I hear it can be very hard on some people." Juli?nna said in response, "I have always wanted to travel but can't. Everyone always tells you how pretty places are but never how horrible the flight was to get there." Juli?nna joked trying to lighten the mood and let Sara relax. "You can call me Juli?nna if this makes things less awkward for you."
"Tell me about India?" Juli?nna said as a way of begging the questioning, and trying to make this seem more like a conversation rather then a psyche evaluation. She had never done this before so it should help them both if they were relaxed and thinking clearly. Juli?nna wasn't sure if she should let the client call her by her first name but she said it before thinking and that was done now.
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Post by Sara Tancredi on Apr 5, 2010 23:52:21 GMT -5
Sara continued to be grateful for Juli?nna's calming personality. It was definitely having an effect on Sara as she was in fact beginning to relax. "I hope you get the opportunity one day. It really is a rewarding experience." Sara never traveled all that much either. But this was one opportunity that she could not have passed up. "India was . . . eye opening," she answered pensively, thinking back to all the poverty that she had been surrounded by. It was such a contrast, as she had a rather luxurious lifestyle and was fortunate enough to have the wealth that practically everyone there lacked.
"I went to Calcutta, and seeing the slums . . . the living conditions . . . the lack of simple things like we take for granted every day . . . it was just an amazing experience." She did not know how to describe it. There were no words that could fully explain it. "It was the first time I've ever done something like that, and I'm very glad I did." It seemed like the perfect way to break out of her junkie tendencies.
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Post by Doctor J. Grayson on Apr 6, 2010 22:08:19 GMT -5
Juli?nna's eyes lowered for a moment when Sara talked of hoping she could travel but her face remained the same, not chancing to so the emotions behind it. Juli?nna knew she could not travel. Even when Gabby was older it would be hard for a special child like her. Everything would be to much for her, and it would overly frighten her. Juli?nna had felt pure guilt over not telling Colby about his daughter until Gabby got SPD, then she felt a little better. Colby had seemed like he could conquered the world, and having to slow everything down and mute your life would have been very hard on him.
She could be making excuses but, . . . . . yeah, but. "I would imagine it was an eye opener. Seeing some of them things, would have been hard too I imagine. Some people come home to the us and feel a massive about of guilt for having a place like this to come home to. It's normal." Juli?nna took on a smile, "Not to sounds classically like a TV doctor but how do you feel?"
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Post by Sara Tancredi on Apr 6, 2010 22:16:08 GMT -5
Sara had to think about the question. She was often talking about how she felt in rehab . . . about how not having the drugs in her system made her feel. She felt happy. Content. Accomplished. "I feel um . . . " She looked down at her hands, trying not to think back on what had happened. How could she feel truly happy after having jeopardized people's lives by taking morphine while on duty? "I feel um, accomplished," she answered, clearing her throat while saying it. "I feel like I've actually done something good? I don't know, maybe it was nothing . . . but it was rewarding. Just to see how grateful those people were, and to hear them say thank you. It just um . . . it makes you feel like maybe, there's hope in the world after all." Sara had very cynical views about certain things . . . and hope was something she often lacked.
"It also made me feel sad. Sad that um, can't do more to help people. That we are so limited, and that people over there are so desperate." Sara knew that this talkative side of her was coming from months of AA; that, and she felt comfortable talking to this woman. She was a counselor and this was a one on one meeting. Somehow, that made it easier for Sara.
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Post by Doctor J. Grayson on Apr 7, 2010 20:31:03 GMT -5
"I can imagine." Juli?nna replied, "It would seem like it would be a real eye opener. The type of thing to chance who you are. Shift the ground work of your life." Juli?nna was thinking of all the stories and TV ads everyone saw of the children and people there. No one quite knew how lucky they were, until they saw how unlucky others were. You took so much for granted, fresh air, clean water, family. It was why people felt guilty coming back, and had a hard time.
"What made you want to go in the first place? It's not something everyone has it in them to do." Juli?nna wondered, aloud mostly. She (while she would love to travel) couldn't see her self over seas in these places helping these people. While she wanted to help, she knew she could do more good over here on the home front.
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Post by Sara Tancredi on Apr 7, 2010 20:59:48 GMT -5
And there it was; the question behind her incentive and motivation to go. Sara did not know if this woman knew about her addiction . . . probably not. So Sara did not want to bring it up. It was after all, something to be ashamed about. "I just um . . . I felt like I could be doing something more." Sara was a terrible liar, so she did not want to be caught in one. Especially in front of a trained counselor. "I had been taking a bit of a break from work, and when I was ready to go back, I wanted to do something different. I wanted to just . . . get a change of environment."
Sara hadn't thought she would be able to do it. She had her own massive insecurities about it . . . especially after having been in such a vulnerable and fragile state. "For me, it took traveling across the country to get that change of environment . . . but it was well worth it."
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Post by Doctor J. Grayson on Apr 8, 2010 21:32:48 GMT -5
"You certainly changed your environment." Juli?nna agreed. "May I asked why you wanted such a big change?" Juli?nna could imagine a few things that would drive a few people to want such big changes. Bad relationships, getting in to ruts. Some people just got tired of living in the simple world they did and begged to get out of their lives and into some sort of adventure.
Juli?nna sometimes wished that she could get out of town for a few days and enjoy a vacation. At the same time, she loved her life. She had a beautiful daughter, and she was a Mom. A better one then her's. While she loved her job, she would give it up in a moment for Gabby!
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Post by Sara Tancredi on Apr 9, 2010 10:33:19 GMT -5
Sara was purposely leaving it vague, and trying to tell the truth. "I was just going through some . . . " She exhaled, and said the next word to complete her sentence quickly. "Things, and um, wanted a bit of a new start? I know that I didn't want to work at the hospital I worked at before . . . I'm sort of aiming for another kind of job, and I knew that before I went to India. I thought that going would give me some perspective, and help me to decide what kind of work I wanted to do."
And now, she knew. She was already in the process of applying to Fox River. She had an interview in a few days, but after what Bradly said, and how desperate they were for a physician there, that she would most likely get the position.
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Post by Doctor J. Grayson on Apr 11, 2010 22:14:23 GMT -5
Juli?nna knew there was something there, something Sara wasn't telling her but debated on if it was important or if it was just something irrelevant. On one hand, she could push the issues, get an answer and it could mean nothing and cause Sara to close up; on the other she could leave it alone and it turn out to be important. Which one was it?
Juli?nna watched her for a moment before giving a soft smile. "Did you find your fresh start?" She asked, deciding that for the moment it might be best if she did not push. If she caught wind some something later on in her conversion then she would reintroduce the topic, and ask for an answer, demand if she had to.
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Post by Sara Tancredi on Apr 11, 2010 22:26:39 GMT -5
Sara thought about it. She felt like she had. A new person; that fresh start. "I did," she said, with a genuine smile. "It was well worth the trip." She hadn't relapsed like she feared, especially in those conditions. She had overcome every temptation and craving for the drug that she used to once inject her body with. "Actually, I'm applying to work at Fox River," she revealed, thinking that it would in fact be a good thing to tell a counselor. Just in case she had any professional advice. Sara had no idea what to expect going in to the job. Brad had told her some things, but he had been a correctional officer for almost twenty years . . . he had grown accustomed to everything that Sara knew she would be experiencing the first day.
That, and their jobs drastically differed. She did not have to control or discipline the inmates; she would just be providing them with medical care. And then for some reason, her fathers protests came screaming into her head. He had already been so against it . . . he considered this just another form of rebellion. Almost thirty years old and Frank Tancredi still believed his daughter was rebelling against him.
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